Self Love -- How to Love Yourself Unconditionally

Have you ever wondered what unconditional love really means, or what it would take to give yourself or someone else this kind of love? I believe everything in your world is a reflection of YOU. And that's the good news! Why? Because if everything starts with you, then you don't have to FIX, CHANGE, or concern yourself with what's out there; all you need to do is understand and focus on loving yourself. This newfound self-love will lead you to a life filled with more self-confidence, peace, and authentic happiness-guaranteed. Let's begin by understanding what unconditional love means. According to Wikipedia, it's "Showing love towards someone regardless of their actions or beliefs. What would it take to give ourselves unconditional love? First you need to embrace and accept all the bad stuff about you and the good as well and be happy with yourself and the person you are. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Yet, how often have you heard yourself say, "I am my own worst enemy"? If your goals involve raising your confidence, ending depresseion, moving beyond diets or overeating behaviors, or just plain wanting to live a happier, fulfilled life, you have to know what self-love looks like. "To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." Love is a mystery and not easily definable. However, it does have certain characteristics. Self-love is a consuming passion for your own happiness. It is an ongoing choice you make to be glad to bealive, here on Earth, in your own body. Self-love occurs when you decide who you are and that what you want is important. It is an inner state of being content with what you have, accepting all your flaw and just being happy in the space you are in. Here are a few things that you will achieve once you've learnt to love yourself unconditionally • You'll be able allow yourself to be happy and to share this with others. • You will only focus on feeling good. • You'll see enjoyment of life as a primary goal most of the time. • You wont dwell in the mistreatment of others towards you • You'll care more towards others. (Because it feels good to do so). • You'll put yourself and your happiness first. Even those you love will be "close to second."(dont confuse this with being selfish) • You'll focus more on the thoughts that make you feel good. • You will let yourself succeed First steps you should take towards this enlightment are as follow • Acknowledge and verbally praise yourself. • Have fun more often. • Learn new ways to relax and release tension. • Practice conscious, deep, full-bodied breathing several times each day. • Think inspiring thoughts. • Instead of always focusing on the problem, decide to focus on desired outcomes. • Fill your life with beauty, such as times of silence, beautiful music, flowers. • Raise your confidence by taking daily small, achievable actions steps that support your goal. • Acknowledge your efforts and your successes. • Reward yourself daily. • Listen to your intuition and then follow it. • Let yourself succeed. • Nurture yourself by imagining desired outcomes to life's situations. • Offer yourself affection in many, many different ways. • Choose to think thoughts that bring inner peace (rather than worry). • Remember and feel gratitude. NB: The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself

Emotional Affairs

Being in a long term relationship has taught me a lot over the years. And one of the things I've learnt is that emotional connection between two people in love is very important. Emotions are a way for us to interact with the world around. Without emotions we would all be walking around like zombies.So imagine a relationship without any emotional connection what-so-ever. One will be left feeling like theres no use or point in being that relationship My friend called me the other day said she found some text messages on her man's phone to another girl. She was mad as hell and she wanted to leave him. I think that would be my first reaction also but theres always more to the story than meets the eye. I told my homegirl to sit her man down and talk about this because things had been rough between them and if one of them didnt want to be tied down anymore they would have split... TURNS OUT NIGGA WAS HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. HMMMMMmmmm. Emotional affair? is there even such a thing? The answer to that is YES The traditional definition of cheating is that one person in a committed relationship is physically involved with someone other than his/her spouse. In recent years, cheating has been reclassified to include not only the physical affair but, also, the emotional affair.An emotional affair is defined as any infidelity that occurs through feeling or thought. With the technological development of cell phones and the internet, the definition of cheating has been expanded to include the traditional definition, plus the feelings and/or thoughts that comprise emotional infidelity. Cheating now includes having intimate correspondence with someone while on a cell phone, meeting someone over the Internet and maintaining a close, personal relationship with someone other than your spouse. If you’re having an emotional affair here’s what you need to do today -Stop! Cut off all communication, contact, texting, emails, calls, and personal interaction with the other woman now! Any contact you maintain with the other woman is a peg THAT will destroy you, your marriage, your reputation, and your life. If the woman doesn’t know how you feel…you’re delusional…she knows how you feel and she knows that she’s been flirting with you, too. This is not the time to worry about embarrassing someone or hurting someone’s feelings or anything that keeps you from bolting back into the sanctity and safety of your marriage vows. - DONT give me any of this crap about “well it never got physical, so it wasn’t really CHEATING”! You have betrayed your PARTNER and lusted in your heart, so own that. You must also resist any temptation to excuse or justify your this. Shut up! You have been flirting with and lusting after another woman/man...so wake up and show some self-control! -Tell your partner .You will not get through this without being honest with both yourself and your other half. She/he will be devastated, feel betrayed…and she/he should! You are being unfaithful. A death has occurred: the death of the man she thought she knew and the death of the relationship she thought she had. She will grieve and you will let her. She has the moral high ground and has permission to feel whatever she needs to feel. You have lost the right to tell her how to feel. -Get some help. You and your partner will need counseling to get your relationship back on the right track, to work through the pain, and to start the long process of healing. Your pride and arrogance may lead you to believe that you can fix it on your own, but….you’re wrong! Humble yourself and get help -Keep hope alive. You can survive this as long as YOU do the following things: Stop the lustful relationship, tell the truth, seek forgiveness, seek God’s forgiveness, live every moment of the rest of your life seeking to be the man/woman your partner deserves. The security she knew or thought she had is gone. you may need to reassure her/him that she/he is the only one..... TILL WE MEET AGAIN, LOVE,RESPECT AND APPRECIATE ONE ANOTHER... PEACE

Moving on from the past

After reading my cousin's blog about her first love and break up, a lot of things came up to mind and I thought back to the time when I was in that same dark, cold pla and how I got out of it... Growing up is awesome because it comes with experience and experience comes with wiseness. One wrong thing that most of us do after being hurt and stripped of digninty is scrawling into a corner and feel sorry for ourselves. Welose all hope of finding hapiness and we become bitte when we should actually do the opposite.... Moving on is huge challenge but it do-able. Dwelling on any break-up is not emotionally healthy and keeps you from re-discovering your needs and wants from a relationship. The following tips will help you move on from your break up and guide you into finding love again. Number 1...Accept the Reality. Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Do not give yourself unrealistic fantasies that you might get back together one day. Respect the fact that the relationship had its time, but has no ran out ways to work. This was a chapter in your life that has now closed and you are now ready to grow and enter another chapter of your life. Learn from It. Everything is a learning experience, so use it your advantage! Look over your relationship and list what went good about it and what went wrong. Use these notes as a tool to improve your relationships skills. Never Generalize. Going through a break up does cause you emotional withdrawal and pain, which may cause you to generalize everyone you meet or choose to date. Keep in mind that everyone is an individual with their own unique qualities and personalities and your encounters with them will not carry the same experiences as your ex-relationship. Focus on You. Take some time to get to know yourself again before you get involved with someone else. Know what you really need and deserve and what you are ready to give another person. When you are sure about what you are willing to give and to receive, you will be able to find a partner who will suit you well.

5 mistakes Cheating Men make!

One of the dumbest things a person can do is getting caught cheating. It’s not the fact that they’re cheating; it’s the way they leave evidence all over the place. If you’re not good at cheating, your ass doesn’t need to do it. I’ve heard some of the dumbest ways people were caught cheating, and then get upset when they got caught. If you were smart in the beginning you would have your cake and eating it too. I’m going to share the top 5 best cheating mistakes men make. 5. Sloppy texting ~ There is nothing more stupid than getting caught cheating due to a text message or picture mail. Why oh why would you keep something so damaging in your phone? Women snoop especially when they notice you’re clinged to your phone every second. If your dumb ass leaves incriminating evidence in your phone your ass needs to be kicked. 4. Cheating where you lay~ If you live with your boo and you bring your test run over to the crib, you’re dead ass wrong. Never ever ever cheat where you share space with your significant other. Men, trifling chicks will leave some sort of evidence for your girl to find it. You think you’re smart, honey women are smarter. Plus, letting her know where you and your girl live is a no no. The minute you try to end your relationship, this heffa will be on your doorstep telling your girl everything. 3. Restrict Contact~ There is no way in hell that the person you’re cheating with should have any number other than your cell phone. Once they have that information just know there will be alot of late night calling and hanging up. Oh, wait until you f*ck the relationship up in some way; best believe that chick will call your girl to let her know how and where you piped her down. 2. Pure Idiocy ~ When you confuse the one you’re loving with the one you’re f*cking. This is a common mistake in my opinion. Ok it’s not just men, this has happened to me before. When getting the dick down I said the wrong name. I know it was the dumbest move known to man, but in the heat of the moment I just called the name of the person I wish was giving me dick. Don’t judge me! 1. The Got Damn Internet ~ I will say this until the day I die, “The internet is the effing devil”. This is the fastest damn way a person can get caught cheating. All these social sites can get people caught up in some bullshit. If you’re cheating the shit is inevitable; You will get caught. Everything is public knowledge on the internet. I was in a relationship with this guy and we both had MySpace profiles. He decided to cancel his profile for whatever reason. I was using his pc and I saw MySpace in the browser so I made a mental note to check it when I get home. I did a search for all the emails I knew he had and stumbled upon an unprotected profile. Do you know this fool status stated that he was married? When I clicked on the pics I found pics of him and some chick with kids. You know a bitch had a Miss Sophia moment and wanted to sucker punch that asshole. *Bonus* This is very common. Please wrap it up. Sometimes a test run is scheming trying to figure out how she can get pregnant only to piss your girl off. Never use the condoms she provides. Always have your own supply. All I’m trying to say is if you want to cheat; be smart with it. Don’t make fatal mistakes that can cause you to lose the one you love. Men, if you’re cheating these tips might not really work for you. A man always gives away the fact that he is cheating. Women are investigators by nature. If you’re cheating and she hasn’t said anything, she already knows what you’re doing. The reason she isn’t saying shit might be because she has decided to do her own thing….you will never know.

Learning to TRUST your PARTNER!

Im loving this blogging thing, im starting to get the hang of things and my writting skills are back.... Thought I'd share a few things about trust in relationships...Over the years I've learnt that whatever your relationship history, you have to trust your spouse! or your relationships may fail before it has a chance to succeed. It took me a while to learn this, but after many heartaches it finally got through..

 It's not healthy to worry about what might happen. Instead, communicate with your partner and learn to set boundaries to keep each other happy. Figure out why trust is an issue. Have you or your partner made past mistakes that are still hanging over the relationship? Being secretive is a big NO NO in any relationship because it makes one always wonder what the other one is up to? Have you caught your spouse in a lie before-even a tiny one-that leads you to wonder what else they are lying about?

Jealousy and Trust: Can you Learn to Trust Again?

If jealousy has been an issue for you, one of the biggest challenges is trust. If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life, I don't have to tell you how painful it is.
Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor unhealed resentments. Im a very good example of that....

In short, if for whatever reason you can't trust no matter how hard you try, you'll keep your partner at a distance and not let them get too close to you.
Sometimes people who have trust issues will often say things like… "I don't know why I feel this way because my boyfriend/husband doesn't do anything to deserve my mistrust," "I've been burned in past relationships and it's hard for me to trust anyone now," "Everyone cheats. How can I trust that anyone will be true to me?" and finally "I don't know how to deal with his lies anymore."
What I've discovered is that no one is born with trust issues. They are created from real or imagined fears about what may or may not be happening in their relationships.
If there are trust issues, one or both of the following explanations are usually underneath them

1. The person is in a relationship with someone who has violated trust in some way and maybe even continues to violate it.

2.The person has had trust violated in past relationships and has created real fears in the present moment about events and circumstances that may or may not be happening in their current relationship.

The paradox of trust issues is that in order to heal trust, you have to be willing to open your heart and take conscious, intelligent risk. Most people who struggle with this issue have felt pain that is so great that they have shut themselves off from opening their hearts again. It's very difficult for them to move past this point.

Here are a few suggestions that may help you begin to trust again:
1. Pay attention to the fears you are feeling, honor those feelings while discovering whether there is any truth to your fears... always REMEMBER THAT MOST OF THE THINGS YOU FEAR MAY NEVER COME TRUE!

2. We all tell stories to ourselves about everything in our lives. If you are telling yourself untrue stories about what is or may be happening, then stop yourself. Begin to trust in yourself that you can change the stories you tell yourself about your life or your relationships. A POSITIVE MINDSET GOES A LONG WAY!

3. Ask yourself this question-"Is my reaction really about what's happening right now?" If your answer is yes, then have the courage to deal honestly with your situation. If your answer is no, then have the courage to stop yourself from creating separation and distance by saying and doing things that will harm your relationship. LET GO OF OLD GRUDGES!

4. Keep in mind that learning to trust others starts with you. If there are blatantly untrustworthy people in your life right now LET GO they hinder your process of learning to trust because you see the things they doing and you question your partners loyalty ! LET GO OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT ADD NO VALUE IN YOUR LIFE.

5. Acknowledge why you dont trust him....There are a number of reasons for this, some I've mentioned earlier. "you instict" may ttend to  add its overlay of worry too. Try and ignore this if you have serious trust issues, it can ruin a good thing beforee its even reached it full potential

6. Take it slowly and calm yourself down. Paranoia over the fact that you don't trust him will can cause you to deepen your mistrust rather than to want to seek some valid answers. Whatever has happened to set off your suspicions, it's more than likely that you don't have the full story or perhaps you're not even seeing all the relevant events properly. Before you discard all trust, it is important to do some thinking, questioning, and following up, to get the story straight. Focus on what is at stake and the importance of the relationship, no matter how hard it may seem and no matter how tempting it is to prefer assuming a negative viewpoint of him

7. Talk to him about why you don't trust him. Use tact, but be honest with him. Guys prefer blatant honesty to constantly avoiding, embellishing, or twisting the subject. If you talk to him about it, not only will it make you feel better, but his trust in you will be likely t increase because he'll feel that, even though you don't trust him, you had to courage to come out and talk to him about it anyway. Whatever his response, your courage in speaking so clearly makes you a very good and honest person.

8. Its very important to teach people how to treat you.  Sit down and talk to him about the things that you dont like that he's doing that make you not trust him....

9. Go the extra mile to increase his trust in you. Be honest, caring, understanding, and trustworthy yourself, before asking someone to do the same. Don't gossip about him and don't be condescending or negative about him to other people; it will get back to him and will only make things harder for you to fix. Open up a little more yourself; this is especially important if you've been keeping your concerns and most intimate self from him.

10. The little things matter most... Take the time to create a firm and lasting bond with your boyfriend. Go on fun and romantic dates with each other, engage in activities outside of the bedroom, and don't be serious all of the time. Happier relationships are ones in which there is a lot of room to move, a lot of laughter, and a great deal of trust. In fact, the more trust, often the tighter the bond you'll create. The less trust, the more likely your relationship will end up laden with suspicion and dysfunctional behaviors. Embrace your inner (and more trusting) child, recognize the little, sweet things in life, and help your boyfriend to do the same.

I hope u find my tips very useful as they have worked for me and my trust issues, Im a better woman, more at peace and that makes me an even better partner for my LOVE

Life Lessons

LIFE LESSONS......

My grandmother always used to say "ukukhula ukubona" which mean growing is seeeing and learning." Over the years I've found this statement to be so true. In my maturing years I've seen many things, experienced many things and I've compiled a list of 50 timeless life lessons I've learnt over the years.... It was quiet an interesting exercise in self discovery.

50 Lessons Life Taught Me

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s not OK to get angry with God even if He can take it.
9. Love without limits
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your partner or children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
20. It is never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this —–matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in —–touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or —–didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours —–back.
41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.gifmy maturing
49. Yield.
50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

 

New Relationships are unique and should be treated so

When entering a relationship, many women find they compare themselves to their partner’s ex. I've found myself comparing myself to his past lovers and the women he cheated on me with. I discovered in my stupidness and insecurity that I am my own person and could never be those girls. The key is to remember the new relationship is unique and should be treated as such....

This is my second serious relationship, and I'm his 5th (and probably has crushes which i'll never know about) I've always wanted a boyfriend who has never had a girlfriend before because I've always wanted that security to feel like he's completely mine - that I don't have to share his heart with the other 4 girls who have also kissed, hugged, and missed the same man. I guess that's why I always thought it was nice to marry your first :] (i dont have a problem with that)

I have an unhealthy tendency of comparing myself to his ex-girlfriends  (probably because he cheated on me and the ex was in the picture even when we began dating) It gets to the point where I read his emails, IMs, and facebook messages to see what he's said to them and it's one of those things where you want to know, but you know you're going to get hurt when you find out. I get jealous because he's always posted very loving and sentimental comments to his ex's and I don't remember him ever saying anything as sweet to me. I always just feel like another trophy on his wall.. he's liked so many in the past, Im not even sure if i really hold a place in his heart(though he assures me everyday and i believe it most of the time). I mean, I know if you love someone, you shouldn't care or judge him because of his past. But I can't help it now that he's lost my trust. What if another ex comes back into his life? Will he forget me and fall in love with her again? These are just some of the things that come up randomly in my mind. We've been through so much together, through stuff that was meant to tear us apart but we still together.

I remember staring at his face when he talked about the other girl he cheated on me with and his eyes give off a sadness.... couldnt quiet understand it. Was it because he loved me and he felt really bad about hurting me or was it because he  still loved her.  And I can't help but wonder if he still has feelings for her to this day. Then I worry if she'll ever meet him again. Then I compare myself to her, and wonder if I'll ever be that important to him. Gosh, people say that there's a reason why he's with me and not her, and there's a reason why people in his past never made it to his future, but is that because he didn't have a choice?

If she does show up in his life, I'm also afraid he won't have the balls to break up with me and cheat on me again. But i trust him to do the right thing.

Sigh.. I know though that I'll always have a distinctive place in his heart, the past is the past...I should stop judging  judging him for that. :|           
I love him... He loves me and thats all that should matter. Living in this moment and dealing with what arises now is all i need to focus on. My head may tell me otherwise but I know for a fact that he's with me because he's meant to be with me.

Nothing lasts but suffering makes it worse...

By Lesedi N. Radebe

I once read a book that spoke of impermanence, that nothing lasts, and that failing to understand the real nature of impermanence means suffering. Most of us would agree that impermanence, or change, is a fact of life. If I ask if the weather, a river, or a mountain will always be the same, most will say no. If I ask if we as individuals will never change, again most will say no. But here is the rub. Our sensitivity to impermanence shows up in our attachments to wishing for the world to be other than the way it is. We exist in a conflicted state where intellectually we understand that everything changes, and all things good or bad pass away, but emotionally we hold onto the things we like and push away the things we do not like. This creates suffering as we are buffeted back and forth by the winds of change, experiencing emotional turmoil as we try mightily to hold onto this and get rid of that, all to no avail.

Sadly, the more effort we apply to making the world unchanging, the more suffering we experience because the world goes on its merry way whether we like it or not. In our strong need to escape the change, we are like an animal caught in a net. The animal thrashes with increasing desperation in an effort to escape, only making the net tighter. Or think about going to get a shot at the doctor’s. Resistance, or tightening one’s muscles in anticipation of pain, causes the pain of the shot to be worse. We can resist what is, but there is a cost to us and to others. We generously export our inner troubles (the need for the world to be different than it is) to others, causing them to suffer.

Change upsets us on a number of levels. The pace and magnitude of societal change, this one fastor is one that often gives us the most difficulty because of its frequency, our everyday bumps against reality. When we get attached to expectations about how the world should work and it does not conform to those expectations, we upset ourselves and we suffer. We try to resist what is. Common everyday dislocations include things like a condescending waiter, a person who nearly knocks us off the sidewalk, a letter from our credit card company asking what happened to our payment, or coming home from a trip to a swimming pool filled with algae (a personal “favorite” of mine which disturbs my equilibrium if I am not very careful).

Perhaps the most common activator of resistance to reality is the actions (or non actions) of other people. We want people to act as we desire them to, not as they often do. We may see the actions of others as obstructions to our wellbeing, and just as often seek to control them. But people do not like being controlled, and they will activate their own resistance, making everything considerably worse. Sadly, controlling others often takes unpleasant and disrespectful forms. Consider anger, sarcasm, dismissal, sulking, victim-hood, or guilt, which represent only a few of the many ways we may try to manipulate others into doing what we want. Suffering for us and for them.

Those of us looking for greater inner peace (most of us) must accept change, and one of the keys to this is being in the present moment. Being in the present moment allows us to stay with problematic thoughts, emotions and even actions, and not try to push them away. Being in the present moment allows us to understand fully what we are experiencing, and to “control” unhelpful reactions, particularly resistance. As with all problematic reactions, we can settle into equanimity more easily by acknowledging the reactions and not becoming attached to ridding ourselves of them. Simply “being” with those reactions helps us on the path to inner peace because we give them no power to affect us, no hold on us. Simply observing and making no judgments about the reactions becomes the same as saying, “Ah, the wind is up.” We have observed the wind and then we easily move our thoughts elsewhere. Observing but not hanging onto the reaction we have to, say, an irate client exactly the way we observe the wind is what inner peace is about. If we can do it for the wind, we can do it for the irate client. Everything depends on acceptance of change and practice, endless practice.

Most of us know at least intuitively that not all change is created equal. The following quote from Irene Peter, an American epigrammatist, makes a wonderful connection with subtle paradox: “Just because everything is different doesn’t mean that anything has changed.” Can something have changed and not changed? It depends on the level at which we examine the issue.
I once did consulting work for a large non-profit organization. I was hired to assist top management in reorganizing much of upper management so that operations would be more efficient. I developed a suggested structure, with managers changing positions, reporting requirements, and acquiring new titles. Top management implemented my ideas. I was called back about 6 months later and told that my idea had not worked at all and to figure out why. Managers I interviewed told me that changes had been made at one level, the superficial one of who reported to whom and who had what title. But the changes needed at a deeper level, the ones that would produce greater efficiency, had not happened. Things looked different, but the way business was done had not changed. I misunderstood the level at which I should have been helping the organization. The superficial change had masked a deeper set of behavioral problems, and changing the former did nothing to address the latter. I fell into the trap of not being aware of the level of real change the organization was looking for.
We can fall into a similar trap in our self-generated change, particularly that connected to inner peace. We may pursue inner peace by reading books, meditating, attending seminars, or listening to wise masters, which is one level of looking for inner change. But if these efforts are not accompanied by hard work and discipline, the more demanding level of the search for inner peace, we will not move forward. The trap occurs when we mistake the level at which we need to be working, seeing one thing, the inputs, and actually looking for another, the outcome of real inner peace. We may think we are making progress toward inner peace, but mostly our efforts will result in the appearance of change and not the real thing. This illusion has its own cost.

Accepting the inevitability of change is part of the path to inner peace. But perhaps even more important in moving to inner peace is accepting that change is also unavoidable. Nothing lasts, not good and not bad, and there is nothing we can do about that impermanence. Our resistance efforts to retain the good and push away the bad are futile. They provide us with only the momentary illusion of success, of keeping the change at bay. Our inability to have much of an impact on the change usually means we are beset with frustration and fear. Sadly, we not only share our negative emotions with others, we also share the suffering that accompanies that. Acceptance in the Buddha’s sense is the only healthy way to “deal” with change. Where possible, action is fine. We simply cannot be attached to the action or to the outcome, no matter how much energy we put into our effort. Trying hard is not a problem until it becomes a “must have” outcome.

I love it when u write me sweet little notes and letters. I always find myself trying to think of new words to describe you and how spiritually/emotionally/miraculously beautiful you are to me. I haven't thought up any good ones yet, but I'm thinking I need to start to read more poetry to become better versed in how to describe a man like yourself. I am find myself laughing and smilling endlesly, because thinking about just fills me with happiness and joy, I can't help but let out a giggle here and a chuckle there. And I just shake my head and think "this cannot be happening...how can I be this blessed!?!!" I mean, I know we went through some hard times, but could I have possibly deserved this? I mean this is just TOO GREAT! You're TOO GREAT. Seriously, tell me how I'm not supposed to feel humbled to my knees knowing I've got such a beautiful gift from above. I don't even know anyone who gets to feel this way, so why me? Well, if there is one thing I have come to know, it is that God is much more merciful than we often give him credit for. And I will receive this mercy and kindness with the greatest of gratitude.  Dumisani Maphanga, I really do thank God everyday for you.

Oh, and what you said about you loving me more than anything in this world...I know exactly how you feel. I'm actually less nervous each day (less nervous but more excited!!!). The anxiety I felt has just been replaced with warmth and confidence. Yes, all will be well...in fact, I think I speak for both of us when I say that at last, all is finally well, everything is coming together for the ultimate good. I could not possibly feel happier (and yet something tells me it's only going to get better, so GET USED TO IT).     

Aahhhhh! Your words give me life! You are the very definition of amazing. I love that I am your sweetheart!  baby, nothing will give me greater pleasure than loving you! I mean it. Loving you, not to mention being loved by you, is the most satisfying feeling I've known...it is like it is life itself pounding through my veins. But goodness, to be loved by you, the way you love me for all the right reasons, absolutely melts me. I am determined to be a better woman, I am confident you will bring out the very best in me. So thank you....

*sigh* I have a quiet an eventful past for someone my age but that doesnt bother me at all. I am who I am and what I am because of my past. I've grown and become a strong,thick skinned individual. I try not to let my past get in the way with my future and the way I view the world, but it always seems to find a way to sneak up on me and just mess up everything. Despite the horrible experiences I've encountered with the men in my life, I've sort of found a way to live with the scars I got. I've fallen in love with the man of my dreams. I love him so much and he's become the centre of my everything. He makes me happy and with him,  Im content....When him and I met, we both belonged to someone else. I remember feeling scared because I cared a lot about the person I was with at the time and here was this man who just came around and made me so happy. He didn't even belong to me, it was quiet confusing. And because I didn't understand what was happening and was uncertain about this man's intentions I resisted and pushed him away... Like most people say IF ITS MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE. I love him, there's no denying it....