Jealousy and Trust: Can you Learn to Trust Again?
If jealousy has been an issue for you, one of the biggest challenges is trust. If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life, I don't have to tell you how painful it is.
Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor unhealed resentments. Im a very good example of that....
Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor unhealed resentments. Im a very good example of that....
In short, if for whatever reason you can't trust no matter how hard you try, you'll keep your partner at a distance and not let them get too close to you.
Sometimes people who have trust issues will often say things like… "I don't know why I feel this way because my boyfriend/husband doesn't do anything to deserve my mistrust," "I've been burned in past relationships and it's hard for me to trust anyone now," "Everyone cheats. How can I trust that anyone will be true to me?" and finally "I don't know how to deal with his lies anymore."
What I've discovered is that no one is born with trust issues. They are created from real or imagined fears about what may or may not be happening in their relationships.
If there are trust issues, one or both of the following explanations are usually underneath them
1. The person is in a relationship with someone who has violated trust in some way and maybe even continues to violate it.
2.The person has had trust violated in past relationships and has created real fears in the present moment about events and circumstances that may or may not be happening in their current relationship.
The paradox of trust issues is that in order to heal trust, you have to be willing to open your heart and take conscious, intelligent risk. Most people who struggle with this issue have felt pain that is so great that they have shut themselves off from opening their hearts again. It's very difficult for them to move past this point.
Here are a few suggestions that may help you begin to trust again:
1. Pay attention to the fears you are feeling, honor those feelings while discovering whether there is any truth to your fears... always REMEMBER THAT MOST OF THE THINGS YOU FEAR MAY NEVER COME TRUE!
2. We all tell stories to ourselves about everything in our lives. If you are telling yourself untrue stories about what is or may be happening, then stop yourself. Begin to trust in yourself that you can change the stories you tell yourself about your life or your relationships. A POSITIVE MINDSET GOES A LONG WAY!
3. Ask yourself this question-"Is my reaction really about what's happening right now?" If your answer is yes, then have the courage to deal honestly with your situation. If your answer is no, then have the courage to stop yourself from creating separation and distance by saying and doing things that will harm your relationship. LET GO OF OLD GRUDGES!
4. Keep in mind that learning to trust others starts with you. If there are blatantly untrustworthy people in your life right now LET GO they hinder your process of learning to trust because you see the things they doing and you question your partners loyalty ! LET GO OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT ADD NO VALUE IN YOUR LIFE.
5. Acknowledge why you dont trust him....There are a number of reasons for this, some I've mentioned earlier. "you instict" may ttend to add its overlay of worry too. Try and ignore this if you have serious trust issues, it can ruin a good thing beforee its even reached it full potential
6. Take it slowly and calm yourself down. Paranoia over the fact that you don't trust him will can cause you to deepen your mistrust rather than to want to seek some valid answers. Whatever has happened to set off your suspicions, it's more than likely that you don't have the full story or perhaps you're not even seeing all the relevant events properly. Before you discard all trust, it is important to do some thinking, questioning, and following up, to get the story straight. Focus on what is at stake and the importance of the relationship, no matter how hard it may seem and no matter how tempting it is to prefer assuming a negative viewpoint of him
7. Talk to him about why you don't trust him. Use tact, but be honest with him. Guys prefer blatant honesty to constantly avoiding, embellishing, or twisting the subject. If you talk to him about it, not only will it make you feel better, but his trust in you will be likely t increase because he'll feel that, even though you don't trust him, you had to courage to come out and talk to him about it anyway. Whatever his response, your courage in speaking so clearly makes you a very good and honest person.
8. Its very important to teach people how to treat you. Sit down and talk to him about the things that you dont like that he's doing that make you not trust him....
9. Go the extra mile to increase his trust in you. Be honest, caring, understanding, and trustworthy yourself, before asking someone to do the same. Don't gossip about him and don't be condescending or negative about him to other people; it will get back to him and will only make things harder for you to fix. Open up a little more yourself; this is especially important if you've been keeping your concerns and most intimate self from him.
10. The little things matter most... Take the time to create a firm and lasting bond with your boyfriend. Go on fun and romantic dates with each other, engage in activities outside of the bedroom, and don't be serious all of the time. Happier relationships are ones in which there is a lot of room to move, a lot of laughter, and a great deal of trust. In fact, the more trust, often the tighter the bond you'll create. The less trust, the more likely your relationship will end up laden with suspicion and dysfunctional behaviors. Embrace your inner (and more trusting) child, recognize the little, sweet things in life, and help your boyfriend to do the same.
I hope u find my tips very useful as they have worked for me and my trust issues, Im a better woman, more at peace and that makes me an even better partner for my LOVE
Sometimes people who have trust issues will often say things like… "I don't know why I feel this way because my boyfriend/husband doesn't do anything to deserve my mistrust," "I've been burned in past relationships and it's hard for me to trust anyone now," "Everyone cheats. How can I trust that anyone will be true to me?" and finally "I don't know how to deal with his lies anymore."
What I've discovered is that no one is born with trust issues. They are created from real or imagined fears about what may or may not be happening in their relationships.
If there are trust issues, one or both of the following explanations are usually underneath them
1. The person is in a relationship with someone who has violated trust in some way and maybe even continues to violate it.
2.The person has had trust violated in past relationships and has created real fears in the present moment about events and circumstances that may or may not be happening in their current relationship.
The paradox of trust issues is that in order to heal trust, you have to be willing to open your heart and take conscious, intelligent risk. Most people who struggle with this issue have felt pain that is so great that they have shut themselves off from opening their hearts again. It's very difficult for them to move past this point.
Here are a few suggestions that may help you begin to trust again:
1. Pay attention to the fears you are feeling, honor those feelings while discovering whether there is any truth to your fears... always REMEMBER THAT MOST OF THE THINGS YOU FEAR MAY NEVER COME TRUE!
2. We all tell stories to ourselves about everything in our lives. If you are telling yourself untrue stories about what is or may be happening, then stop yourself. Begin to trust in yourself that you can change the stories you tell yourself about your life or your relationships. A POSITIVE MINDSET GOES A LONG WAY!
3. Ask yourself this question-"Is my reaction really about what's happening right now?" If your answer is yes, then have the courage to deal honestly with your situation. If your answer is no, then have the courage to stop yourself from creating separation and distance by saying and doing things that will harm your relationship. LET GO OF OLD GRUDGES!
4. Keep in mind that learning to trust others starts with you. If there are blatantly untrustworthy people in your life right now LET GO they hinder your process of learning to trust because you see the things they doing and you question your partners loyalty ! LET GO OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT ADD NO VALUE IN YOUR LIFE.
5. Acknowledge why you dont trust him....There are a number of reasons for this, some I've mentioned earlier. "you instict" may ttend to add its overlay of worry too. Try and ignore this if you have serious trust issues, it can ruin a good thing beforee its even reached it full potential
6. Take it slowly and calm yourself down. Paranoia over the fact that you don't trust him will can cause you to deepen your mistrust rather than to want to seek some valid answers. Whatever has happened to set off your suspicions, it's more than likely that you don't have the full story or perhaps you're not even seeing all the relevant events properly. Before you discard all trust, it is important to do some thinking, questioning, and following up, to get the story straight. Focus on what is at stake and the importance of the relationship, no matter how hard it may seem and no matter how tempting it is to prefer assuming a negative viewpoint of him
7. Talk to him about why you don't trust him. Use tact, but be honest with him. Guys prefer blatant honesty to constantly avoiding, embellishing, or twisting the subject. If you talk to him about it, not only will it make you feel better, but his trust in you will be likely t increase because he'll feel that, even though you don't trust him, you had to courage to come out and talk to him about it anyway. Whatever his response, your courage in speaking so clearly makes you a very good and honest person.
8. Its very important to teach people how to treat you. Sit down and talk to him about the things that you dont like that he's doing that make you not trust him....
9. Go the extra mile to increase his trust in you. Be honest, caring, understanding, and trustworthy yourself, before asking someone to do the same. Don't gossip about him and don't be condescending or negative about him to other people; it will get back to him and will only make things harder for you to fix. Open up a little more yourself; this is especially important if you've been keeping your concerns and most intimate self from him.
10. The little things matter most... Take the time to create a firm and lasting bond with your boyfriend. Go on fun and romantic dates with each other, engage in activities outside of the bedroom, and don't be serious all of the time. Happier relationships are ones in which there is a lot of room to move, a lot of laughter, and a great deal of trust. In fact, the more trust, often the tighter the bond you'll create. The less trust, the more likely your relationship will end up laden with suspicion and dysfunctional behaviors. Embrace your inner (and more trusting) child, recognize the little, sweet things in life, and help your boyfriend to do the same.
I hope u find my tips very useful as they have worked for me and my trust issues, Im a better woman, more at peace and that makes me an even better partner for my LOVE
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