New Relationships are unique and should be treated so

When entering a relationship, many women find they compare themselves to their partner’s ex. I've found myself comparing myself to his past lovers and the women he cheated on me with. I discovered in my stupidness and insecurity that I am my own person and could never be those girls. The key is to remember the new relationship is unique and should be treated as such....

This is my second serious relationship, and I'm his 5th (and probably has crushes which i'll never know about) I've always wanted a boyfriend who has never had a girlfriend before because I've always wanted that security to feel like he's completely mine - that I don't have to share his heart with the other 4 girls who have also kissed, hugged, and missed the same man. I guess that's why I always thought it was nice to marry your first :] (i dont have a problem with that)

I have an unhealthy tendency of comparing myself to his ex-girlfriends  (probably because he cheated on me and the ex was in the picture even when we began dating) It gets to the point where I read his emails, IMs, and facebook messages to see what he's said to them and it's one of those things where you want to know, but you know you're going to get hurt when you find out. I get jealous because he's always posted very loving and sentimental comments to his ex's and I don't remember him ever saying anything as sweet to me. I always just feel like another trophy on his wall.. he's liked so many in the past, Im not even sure if i really hold a place in his heart(though he assures me everyday and i believe it most of the time). I mean, I know if you love someone, you shouldn't care or judge him because of his past. But I can't help it now that he's lost my trust. What if another ex comes back into his life? Will he forget me and fall in love with her again? These are just some of the things that come up randomly in my mind. We've been through so much together, through stuff that was meant to tear us apart but we still together.

I remember staring at his face when he talked about the other girl he cheated on me with and his eyes give off a sadness.... couldnt quiet understand it. Was it because he loved me and he felt really bad about hurting me or was it because he  still loved her.  And I can't help but wonder if he still has feelings for her to this day. Then I worry if she'll ever meet him again. Then I compare myself to her, and wonder if I'll ever be that important to him. Gosh, people say that there's a reason why he's with me and not her, and there's a reason why people in his past never made it to his future, but is that because he didn't have a choice?

If she does show up in his life, I'm also afraid he won't have the balls to break up with me and cheat on me again. But i trust him to do the right thing.

Sigh.. I know though that I'll always have a distinctive place in his heart, the past is the past...I should stop judging  judging him for that. :|           
I love him... He loves me and thats all that should matter. Living in this moment and dealing with what arises now is all i need to focus on. My head may tell me otherwise but I know for a fact that he's with me because he's meant to be with me.