Loosing myself into Motherhood

 I can’t pinpoint the moment I felt it, and I don’t know when it began.

But what I know is that somewhere between holding my first-born baby boy and those sleepless nights trying to get him to sleep, I forgot who I was. I got lost in motherhood, and while the swim is precious and beautiful and life-giving, I’m not sure how to find my way to the oxygen-filled space that I used to occupy. You know, that time, that space where you had room to breathe? When life wasn’t all sleepless nights and diapers and nursing and…responsibility. I mean, we’re talking about a soul here, that is in my charge. That’s heavy. And I am so ill-equipped! I’m painfully selfish, and I really love to sleep. And yet, I’m a mom. Of the most beautiful person I've ever met. Who has a soul and who depends on me for food and care and life.That kind of responsibility.

Which I love, by the way. I love being a mother, truly. I think my boy is a stellar little person (most of time, except for when his sin-natures rear his uncivilized head…which is every 15 minutes…which is just like me, too). But seriously, I have always wanted to be a mother. The thing is, I’m not a natural at it, and I learned through these 11 months of parenting that just because you love something doesn’t mean it will come naturally or easily to you. And no one tells you that somewhere in the midst of it all, you will start disappearing and some sweat pants wearing, greasy face, stringy hair someone who resembles you will take your place. Body snatchers, motherhood style…minus the style, of course. Because that went with the sweats.

So that oxygen-filled space where you were becoming, that spirit which filled-out your un-stretch-marked skin – where is she? Does she exist anymore or do you make room for a hybrid you?

Here’s what I’m thinking… “Can I become a new version of ME?” 

I think that’s it. I'm not only looking for a new version of who I was, but I have the opportunity to grow into one. I'm a mother, and that makes up so much of who I am; my child is a part of my very being, so it changes me in deep ways, and that’s okay. But now I have this gift, this new version of myself that is beautiful and undeniable and just waiting to be explored.

I have said so many times that I feel like I’m a shell of the woman I once was, and it depressed me. But now I’m feeling like, yea, good, because I’m shedding old skin and transforming and becoming into new skin; I am evolving into a new version of the woman God knit together; it’s a stretching and a turning as new colors emerge. I’m figuring it all out new; I’m figuring me out new. And I am so unbelievably good with that. 

So friend, if you are feeling a little rocked by motherhood and are wondering who you are, hang in there. You are there; you are more than then the daily-ness of it all. You are not lost, you just need to stretch into the new version of who you already are. Let it be fun and exciting, this exploration of you again. Bring your kids and your husband along for the ride. And for the love of God, don’t give into the mom jeans buy some skinny jeans instead and bring that sexy back.

Keep on

Dirty Laundry Dished Out

I don't know how many of y'all have actually paid attention to Kelly Rowland's song Dirty Laundry from the album Talk A Good Game. It has a catchy title thats actually what drew me to listen to it and analyse the lyrics. 

In the song Kelly touches on everything from her envy of Beyonce's fame, to the abusive relationship with what the song timeline seems to be revealing to be ex-fiance NFL Player Roy William( although Im not 100% sure) 

Kelly revealed that she was somewhat lost after departing from Destiny's Child and witnessing her "sister" Beyonce collosal fame while she was struggling in the music industry.

While my sister was on stage, killing it like a motherfucker

I was enraged, feeling it like a motherfucker

Bird in a cage, you would never know what I was dealing with

Went out separate ways, but I was happy she was killing it

Bittersweet, she was up, I was down

No lie, I feel good for her, but what do I do now?

 Following Beyonce's rises to fame from the group's single  "Survivor" Kelly entered an abusive relationship that was overshadowed by other happenings . Which also highlights a problem that other women face. Finding themselves in abusive relationships but being able to talk to anyone because they ashamed or in most cases think they have everything under control.

Off the record, I was going through some bullshit

Post-survivor, she on fire, who wanna hear my bullshit?

Meanwhile, this nigga putting his hands on me

        Swear y'all don't know the half of this industry

Kelly also reveals that she hid the abuse of her relationship from everyone for nearly a decade. Kelly then decided to leave following what seemed to be a domestic dispute that promoted her to call Beyonce who told her to leave him. Kelly also expresses gratitude  for Beyonce's fame keeping her dysfunctional life in the shadows.

And it's almost been a decade

I'm behind them black shades

Roll up like it's all good, right up out that Escalade

Fix my make-up, "get it together, Kelly, get it together"

Then we make up, "well get it together, nigga, get it together"

Kinda lucky, I was in her shadow

Phone call from my sister, "what's the matter?"

She said, "Oh no, baby - you gotta leave!"

I'm on the kitchen floor - he took the keys

I was mad at everybody, I mean everybody

Yeah, her, her, her her everybody

Five years later, I got my shit down pat

Think I had it good, and they don't know how bad

Fooled everybody, except myself

                  Soaking in this hurt, bathing in the dirt

                          Lets do this dirty laundry

But later she returned to the abusive cycle and kept the happenings under wraps, lying to everyone about what was going on within the confines of their shared home. 

So here I am in the spin cycle

We're coming and we're going

Nobody can know this

And I was trapped in his house, lying to my mama

Thought it could get no worse as we maximize the drama

Started to call them people on him

I was battered

He hitting the window like it was me, until it shattered

He pulled me out, he said, "Don't nobody love you but me

Not your mama, not your daddy and especially not B"

He turned me against my sister
I missed you

And to close off the emotional track, Kelly reveals she was secluded from Beyonce during the abuse because the aggressor manipulated her and turned her against her family.

I posted a link to the song so you can have a listen. ENJOY!

https://soundcloud.com/kellyrowlandofficial/dirty-laundry

Knowing When To Leave

At this point I feel rather blank, emotionless and numb. I don't know whether I'm expecting too much or I don't know what I want. But in actual fact I do know what I want. I want to be happy. I've been too unhappy for too long. Im tired of being strong and bottling things up and hoping it will all be okay one day because "one day is too many days away". 

Its so easy for me to sit and listen to people tell me about their relationship problems and give them advice because in everyone's eyes I have the most perfect relationship. Atlease thats what it looks like from the outside but inside there is an emotional struggle that I myself can't even explain. Its bigger than me. Its even more difficult because I can't voice out all these emotions Im feeling. Feelings of resentment, feeling unappreciated, feeling unnoticed, feeling unpretty and my own insecurities.

I realised that a long term relationship can elevate you to new heights and then drag you down into the dumps. My relationship is pretty good, like a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. I often finding myself questioning whether I should stay openly committed to that relationship for life? Or should I leave and look for something better, something that could become even better? The fear of not ever finding something that is half as good always seems to ground me along with the fact that I love this man and I want the best possible life for my son. Its a dreadful state to be in. I'm simply aren’t sure one way or the other. Maybe what you we is good enough and I’d be a fool to abandon it in search of a new relationship I may never find. Or maybe I'm seriously holding myself back from finding a truly fulfilling relationship that would serve me well the rest of my life. Its a tough call....

When I find myself deep in thought. I pull out my pen and paper and I start to weighing the pros and cons which isn't  always a logical solution. There will be pros and cons in every relationship, so how do I know if ours are fatal or tolerable or even wonderful? The cons tell me to leave, while the pros tell me to stay. Im often required to predict future pros and cons, but how am I going to predict the future of your relationship?  i leave it all up to God. He’s the only who will say if our problems are temporary or permanent?

I was watching Oprah Winfrey once and they had a relationship expert in the show talking about long term relationships and I remembered to google the title of the book the expert talked about on the show and I got a few pointers on how to diagnose my relationship... These below I found very useful in my introspection ... Take sometime to go throughout the questions if you find yourself in doubt........

1. If God or some divine being told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave? If your religion is the only reason you’re still together, your relationship is already long dead. Drop the self-torturing beliefs and choose happiness. Living together physically but not in your heart isn’t going to fool any divine being anyway, nor is it likely to fool anyone else around you. Leave the hypocrisy behind, and take off.
2. Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty? If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, then your relationship is doing you more harm than good. Leave.
3. Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you? If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together.
4. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner? If there’s no spark, there’s no point in staying.
5. Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwillingor incapable of changing? Results matter far more than intentions. If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave. Example: “Quit smoking for good in 30 days, or I’m gone.” Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and you’ll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.
6. Do you see yourself when you look in your partner’s eyes? A metaphor… if you don’t sense a strong compatibility with your partner, you’re better off with someone else.
7. Do you and your partner each respect each other as individuals? No mutual respect = time to leave.
8. Does your partner serve as an important resource for you in a way that you care about? If your partner does little to enhance your life and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. You’ll break even by being on your own and gain tremendously by finding someone else who is a resource to you.
9. Does your relationship have the demonstrated capacity for forgiveness? If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave.
10. Do you and your partner have fun together? A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave.
11. Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together? If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off

I hope you find the answers you looking for because I certainly have 

Horrible Boss

I think its safe to say that I have the worst manager in the world. At first I was excited by having a female manager but that was before I noticed what a bitch she can be at time.

I was very happy to be reunited with my colleagues after 4 long months of maternity leave when I first met her - THE PROJECT MANAGER.  Everybody was complaining about her attitude and bossiness. She struck me as a nice person, with a strong presence and personality. She asked me about my baby and she told me about hers, but little did I know that I was speaking to the devil herself.... 

Maybe you know the type: A boss so rigid, cold and lacking in emotional intelligence that he scarcely seems human. Or a manager who micromanages and criticizes you and everyone else constantly. Bosses like that can make you want to quit –throw them over the balcony or murder them. But hey I can't do that, I have bills to pay and  I don't think Melo will like seeing mommy in orange overalls, they won't look so good on me. Sometimes i just sit there and calmly listen to her while she tunes me crap. Meanwhile in my head this is really what I'm what saying and thinking : "I can see your point but I still think you full of shit" - "I have already visualised duct tape over your mouth" - "I don't know what your problem is but I'll bet its hard to pronounce".....  I thought I wanted a career but it turns out I just want a salary.

Although there are lots of fantastic bosses in the world, there are some that make you want to crawl back under your duvet and hide from the world. However, don't despair! There are ways to tackle horrible bosses - even the very difficult ones. 

1. Train your brain to scan for the good. Say three things you’re grateful for twenty-one days in a row and you can literally re-wire your brain to be more positive. Bursts of positivity can help you to think more intelligently and creatively, and work more productively. When we’re happy, you will work faster and more efficiently. 

2. Brighten your environment. Everything around you—from the color of your walls to the mood of your coworkers—affects the way you think and feel. Surround your desk with pictures and objects that prime you for positivity—your mood and your brain will thank you.

3. CURSE.  LOL not out loud but in your head. This should help you let out some steam. Take a walk, get some fresh air. Call a lover or friend and just curse the bitch out. LOL (this is my number one form of distressing)

On a more serious note, micromanaging has nothing to do with the quality of your work – it’s about your boss. They have a serious problem with handing over control and allowing you to get on with your work. In which case, feed the micromanager with what they want, before they ask for it. Every Monday morning, talk to your boss and tell them what you have planned for the week and then give them 'progress' updates as you go along. Reassure them by demonstrating that you're in control and the work is being carried out. Prove yourself, so to speak. If that doesn't work - talk to your boss. Let them know that you feel they're monitoring your work too closely and you work more effectively with more breathing space. 

Even though a bully can be scary, don't cower and avoid confrontation - speak up! Stand up to them and you might find that they back down and listen to you... even respect you. Remain calm and ask them not to yell or interrupt. Simply ask them if they can explain the problem. By staying professional you might also calm the situation. If all else fails, stay out of their way, do a good job and always be on time.

If all else fails, watch the movie Horrible Bosses for some tips on how to deal with your boss hahahahahahahah

Identity Crisis and Reoccuring Doubt

Its 6months after the birth of my first child and I still don't know know where I'm at. To be honest I'm not entirely sure how to reconcile the new mother me, new wife me and the old pre-baby me. 

 Its not about wanting to go out all night partying (it was never my scene anyways) or live a life without responsibilities even though thats what my twenties age is for. Its more about matching up my preconceived ideas of motherhood with the reality of it all, and it has given me a smalll identity crisis.

 Maybe when Im 30 something I'll have figured it out and I'll be more comfortable in the shoes I wear. 

 Motherhood 

 Coming to terms with the fact that a little person's life depends on me is overwhelming. Its hard and bliss at the same time. I wake up every morning look into my son's eyes thats gives me purpose. Being so young I have to deal with criticism from everyone who has been on the road of motherhood before me. How do I deal with that? I've learnt to go with my instinct when it comes to whats good for my son. Its really true, motherly instinct really do kick in. 

 Relationship 

 Melo's dad is a great guy( YES THAT'S MY SON'S NAME), I thank God everyday for blessing me with such a beautiful soul. But no one is perfect and he is far from it. We had a great relationship, we were able to work through anything and we have have been through a lot together. I sometimes sit and think I've been through so much with this guy but will that really matter when the tough gets going. We have both changed a lot(growing up does that to people) my identity crisis makes it difficult for me to understand half the things he does sometimes because I'm in a different space and mindset than him.


Im in a relationship that is generally sweet, solid, and good. I love him a lot, we share lots of values. But I also have this nagging feeling that though things aren't bad, they're not good either -- that we're not close in certain ways I want to be, that I might be happier in another situation, and that because of being with him, I might be unhappy and lonely in low-grade ways. 

Here's how the cycle of doubt looks. We'll be going along happily until something small will happen that sets off some doubts.¹ For two or three days I'll try to suppress them as my internal worries grow.² I'll feel increasingly afraid that I've been living in denial about problems. I'll have a heart-sinking feeling that maybe we shouldn't be together and think "how can I be serious about this relationship when _____?"³ Then I'll talk to him about the issue,⁴ and we'll resolve to try to improve it somehow. With that out in the open and hopefully on the road to improvement, I'll feel closer to him, and we'll get back into our daily groove for the next three weeks or so, until this happens again.
1. eg, at a wedding, I’ll enjoy talking with the other people more than with him
2. eg, I’ll think about the frustrations I know I have with our conversations (interruptions, him not really paying attention), and then I'll start to think about what all that might add up to
3. “…when we don’t even have good conversation? That’s a huge part of everyday life!”
4. say, the next time he responds distractedly, I’ll let on that it really annoyed me, and that will lead to a conversation about the bigger concern
I want to stop this cycle of doubt somehow and be more constant and happy. I often find myself listening to my friend Nhlanhla complaining about how unhappy she is in her relationship and how she ended up falling in love with another  guy because of this reoccurring doubt she had experienced in her relationship with her man and I think to myself I DONT WANT THAT TO BE ME ....I realize relationships have ups and downs, but I'd like to keep them from rattling me so much. I don't like feeling so unsettled, and I don't like unsettling him. I'd like to stop this cycle of doubt and either really commit to this relationship to working out my own emotional battles. 

I love him, he loves me. We both love our son more than anything in this entire world and we'll do anything to make sure he's happy. We have worked through bigger emotional problems. I put my relationship and life in God's hands thats how I know we'll be fine.


PS: I LOVE YOU BABE 

*sigh**** I hope I figure it one day, sooner rather than later.... 

I have lost my faith... and im happy to say IM HAPPY!!

Its extremely difficult to write this considering my deeply religious background but reality has finally set in and i simply can not continue to deny it no matter how hard i try. So I have been a Catholic most of my childhood and then moved into a more conventional christian church. I following my parents and siblings into Christianity. However, over the last 16 months, all my doubts and questions about the bible and religion at large have become overwhelming to the extent that i can no longer believe any of it. My logic dictates that i seek satisfactory answers about everything i have been taught. I have sought counsel and advice from as many church leaders as i could but i keep getting the same nonsensical responses to basic questions. My own research and learning has lead me to the realization that i was forced into something that i really would never have wanted had i been given the choice. Frightened to death as child about how the god of the bible would get me if i didn't just believe and obey, the thought of burning in hell for all eternity scared me. The thought that i wasted 22 years on this foolishness makes me sick to my stomach. It sickens me even more that the majority of my black brothers and sisters are so deeply caught in this stuff that the mere questioning of their beloved faith elicits a violent response. I'm not sure how black Christians can reconcile 'black' culture and traditions with Christianity.How does anyone not see a problem with the fact that bibles only arrived in this country in the 1700s? And how does anyone reconcile morality with the god of the old testament? A god that punishes you for eternity for committing finite crimes? That's love? I know that question wont make any sense to most since reading the bible is not top of peoples priorities. I am however thankful that i read it in full several times and discovered just how crazy it is. What terrifies me is what i see around me. Both the crazy level of intolerance against non believers and the fear in little brothers eyes.Fear dressed up as pity. I see him asking the same questions i was asking and i see the fear in his eyes when he is threatened with eternal torment for even asking. I'm terrified that he will lose friends like i did. That some of his family will reject him just like they did me.At 18 years old I just don't know if he is that strong. Life is immeasurably happier, more valuable and more precious since this nonsense has been removed from my life and i know that if he chooses the same route, it will be the same for him as well but i just cant stand to watch the emotional battle that my quiet little bro has to endure. Religion is damaging on so many levels its just unbelievable. I decided not to set logic aside for blind faith and am happy for it. I have found incredibly intelligent and engaging atheists and agnostics to replace all the intolerant and bigoted christians who now see me as the devil herself. I learn so much more on a daily basis that i would previously have shut my eyes to.i can only hope that society as a whole will move towards a place where education and reason are respected more than a book put together by bunch of woman hating perverts...We all know by now that us mere mortals sin, well Christians call it sins and they believe we are born into this world with sin because we are human, atheist embrace being human we just don’t give things names that we have to explain away later on, because we love life and don’t waste time on such unimportant silliness, hypocrisy is reserved for them name givers that can't live up to their own religious rules and regulations, like Jesus and the story of his crucifixion. Hope none of you guys who happen to be firmly grounded in your beliefs as christian dont find this offensive

True Happines can be obtained!!

Compliments of the new year blogger...We are still fresh in the fresh new year. We are still trying to get acquitted with the new year. Every new year rejuvenate our daily tired ways of living. It is with the dawning of a new year that sometimes we make some personal introspection. We try to look at ourselves find reason for concern and then seek to reset things. These are the times when we seek to get out of the old shell and experience the magic of the fresh breeze that comes with a new year. So with this new year, the year 2013 we are afforded that opportunity! The dominant issues that arrests us is mostly money and personal relationships with other people. It seems as the world moves forward we are more and more less equal to the task of living and loving. We find our lives struggling under the weight of financial and personal relationships concerns. When coming to personal finances many people who have the opportunity and blessing of having a job, or having a profitable business are ever hobbling under severe debts and all kinds of burdens. And also there is this issue of personal relationships where are lot of people are muddling through in heaviness. But beyond these two aspects of your life there is a new world that is truly satisfying and that can give you inner worth and inner tranquility. That is you having positive impact to the world. But finances and relationships are the things that consume your attention and you find yourself a slave that is being led hither and thither. You need to get on with these things. These issues are methods or process to true happiness and true blessedness. As with every method there are still other methods to true happiness and true blessedness. What you may not be aware of is that you can achieve true happiness and true blessedness without worrying about money. That goes also to personal relationships. I know this statement nowadays may seemed like I am speaking one of the dead languages. Today people are transformed by politicians, television, radio and all kinds of media to live a lie making truth to become stranger than fiction. What you need to do is to leverage yourself above the average person. Change your thoughts – those thoughts that were brutally pumped in your head by television, radio, newspapers, politicians and your idle friends. Take a road that is less traveled and become genuine in a diseased world. You can only if you take the first step. In this way you can use your life – your personal story as a light to the world. You can become a genuine life coach to others, to your family, friends, your community and the world. It is all comesdown to managing your thoughts, self discipline and self control. That is how greatness is achieved....

Self Love -- How to Love Yourself Unconditionally

Have you ever wondered what unconditional love really means, or what it would take to give yourself or someone else this kind of love? I believe everything in your world is a reflection of YOU. And that's the good news! Why? Because if everything starts with you, then you don't have to FIX, CHANGE, or concern yourself with what's out there; all you need to do is understand and focus on loving yourself. This newfound self-love will lead you to a life filled with more self-confidence, peace, and authentic happiness-guaranteed. Let's begin by understanding what unconditional love means. According to Wikipedia, it's "Showing love towards someone regardless of their actions or beliefs. What would it take to give ourselves unconditional love? First you need to embrace and accept all the bad stuff about you and the good as well and be happy with yourself and the person you are. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Yet, how often have you heard yourself say, "I am my own worst enemy"? If your goals involve raising your confidence, ending depresseion, moving beyond diets or overeating behaviors, or just plain wanting to live a happier, fulfilled life, you have to know what self-love looks like. "To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." Love is a mystery and not easily definable. However, it does have certain characteristics. Self-love is a consuming passion for your own happiness. It is an ongoing choice you make to be glad to bealive, here on Earth, in your own body. Self-love occurs when you decide who you are and that what you want is important. It is an inner state of being content with what you have, accepting all your flaw and just being happy in the space you are in. Here are a few things that you will achieve once you've learnt to love yourself unconditionally • You'll be able allow yourself to be happy and to share this with others. • You will only focus on feeling good. • You'll see enjoyment of life as a primary goal most of the time. • You wont dwell in the mistreatment of others towards you • You'll care more towards others. (Because it feels good to do so). • You'll put yourself and your happiness first. Even those you love will be "close to second."(dont confuse this with being selfish) • You'll focus more on the thoughts that make you feel good. • You will let yourself succeed First steps you should take towards this enlightment are as follow • Acknowledge and verbally praise yourself. • Have fun more often. • Learn new ways to relax and release tension. • Practice conscious, deep, full-bodied breathing several times each day. • Think inspiring thoughts. • Instead of always focusing on the problem, decide to focus on desired outcomes. • Fill your life with beauty, such as times of silence, beautiful music, flowers. • Raise your confidence by taking daily small, achievable actions steps that support your goal. • Acknowledge your efforts and your successes. • Reward yourself daily. • Listen to your intuition and then follow it. • Let yourself succeed. • Nurture yourself by imagining desired outcomes to life's situations. • Offer yourself affection in many, many different ways. • Choose to think thoughts that bring inner peace (rather than worry). • Remember and feel gratitude. NB: The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself

Emotional Affairs

Being in a long term relationship has taught me a lot over the years. And one of the things I've learnt is that emotional connection between two people in love is very important. Emotions are a way for us to interact with the world around. Without emotions we would all be walking around like zombies.So imagine a relationship without any emotional connection what-so-ever. One will be left feeling like theres no use or point in being that relationship My friend called me the other day said she found some text messages on her man's phone to another girl. She was mad as hell and she wanted to leave him. I think that would be my first reaction also but theres always more to the story than meets the eye. I told my homegirl to sit her man down and talk about this because things had been rough between them and if one of them didnt want to be tied down anymore they would have split... TURNS OUT NIGGA WAS HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. HMMMMMmmmm. Emotional affair? is there even such a thing? The answer to that is YES The traditional definition of cheating is that one person in a committed relationship is physically involved with someone other than his/her spouse. In recent years, cheating has been reclassified to include not only the physical affair but, also, the emotional affair.An emotional affair is defined as any infidelity that occurs through feeling or thought. With the technological development of cell phones and the internet, the definition of cheating has been expanded to include the traditional definition, plus the feelings and/or thoughts that comprise emotional infidelity. Cheating now includes having intimate correspondence with someone while on a cell phone, meeting someone over the Internet and maintaining a close, personal relationship with someone other than your spouse. If you’re having an emotional affair here’s what you need to do today -Stop! Cut off all communication, contact, texting, emails, calls, and personal interaction with the other woman now! Any contact you maintain with the other woman is a peg THAT will destroy you, your marriage, your reputation, and your life. If the woman doesn’t know how you feel…you’re delusional…she knows how you feel and she knows that she’s been flirting with you, too. This is not the time to worry about embarrassing someone or hurting someone’s feelings or anything that keeps you from bolting back into the sanctity and safety of your marriage vows. - DONT give me any of this crap about “well it never got physical, so it wasn’t really CHEATING”! You have betrayed your PARTNER and lusted in your heart, so own that. You must also resist any temptation to excuse or justify your this. Shut up! You have been flirting with and lusting after another woman/man...so wake up and show some self-control! -Tell your partner .You will not get through this without being honest with both yourself and your other half. She/he will be devastated, feel betrayed…and she/he should! You are being unfaithful. A death has occurred: the death of the man she thought she knew and the death of the relationship she thought she had. She will grieve and you will let her. She has the moral high ground and has permission to feel whatever she needs to feel. You have lost the right to tell her how to feel. -Get some help. You and your partner will need counseling to get your relationship back on the right track, to work through the pain, and to start the long process of healing. Your pride and arrogance may lead you to believe that you can fix it on your own, but….you’re wrong! Humble yourself and get help -Keep hope alive. You can survive this as long as YOU do the following things: Stop the lustful relationship, tell the truth, seek forgiveness, seek God’s forgiveness, live every moment of the rest of your life seeking to be the man/woman your partner deserves. The security she knew or thought she had is gone. you may need to reassure her/him that she/he is the only one..... TILL WE MEET AGAIN, LOVE,RESPECT AND APPRECIATE ONE ANOTHER... PEACE

Moving on from the past

After reading my cousin's blog about her first love and break up, a lot of things came up to mind and I thought back to the time when I was in that same dark, cold pla and how I got out of it... Growing up is awesome because it comes with experience and experience comes with wiseness. One wrong thing that most of us do after being hurt and stripped of digninty is scrawling into a corner and feel sorry for ourselves. Welose all hope of finding hapiness and we become bitte when we should actually do the opposite.... Moving on is huge challenge but it do-able. Dwelling on any break-up is not emotionally healthy and keeps you from re-discovering your needs and wants from a relationship. The following tips will help you move on from your break up and guide you into finding love again. Number 1...Accept the Reality. Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Do not give yourself unrealistic fantasies that you might get back together one day. Respect the fact that the relationship had its time, but has no ran out ways to work. This was a chapter in your life that has now closed and you are now ready to grow and enter another chapter of your life. Learn from It. Everything is a learning experience, so use it your advantage! Look over your relationship and list what went good about it and what went wrong. Use these notes as a tool to improve your relationships skills. Never Generalize. Going through a break up does cause you emotional withdrawal and pain, which may cause you to generalize everyone you meet or choose to date. Keep in mind that everyone is an individual with their own unique qualities and personalities and your encounters with them will not carry the same experiences as your ex-relationship. Focus on You. Take some time to get to know yourself again before you get involved with someone else. Know what you really need and deserve and what you are ready to give another person. When you are sure about what you are willing to give and to receive, you will be able to find a partner who will suit you well.