Knowing When To Leave

At this point I feel rather blank, emotionless and numb. I don't know whether I'm expecting too much or I don't know what I want. But in actual fact I do know what I want. I want to be happy. I've been too unhappy for too long. Im tired of being strong and bottling things up and hoping it will all be okay one day because "one day is too many days away". 

Its so easy for me to sit and listen to people tell me about their relationship problems and give them advice because in everyone's eyes I have the most perfect relationship. Atlease thats what it looks like from the outside but inside there is an emotional struggle that I myself can't even explain. Its bigger than me. Its even more difficult because I can't voice out all these emotions Im feeling. Feelings of resentment, feeling unappreciated, feeling unnoticed, feeling unpretty and my own insecurities.

I realised that a long term relationship can elevate you to new heights and then drag you down into the dumps. My relationship is pretty good, like a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. I often finding myself questioning whether I should stay openly committed to that relationship for life? Or should I leave and look for something better, something that could become even better? The fear of not ever finding something that is half as good always seems to ground me along with the fact that I love this man and I want the best possible life for my son. Its a dreadful state to be in. I'm simply aren’t sure one way or the other. Maybe what you we is good enough and I’d be a fool to abandon it in search of a new relationship I may never find. Or maybe I'm seriously holding myself back from finding a truly fulfilling relationship that would serve me well the rest of my life. Its a tough call....

When I find myself deep in thought. I pull out my pen and paper and I start to weighing the pros and cons which isn't  always a logical solution. There will be pros and cons in every relationship, so how do I know if ours are fatal or tolerable or even wonderful? The cons tell me to leave, while the pros tell me to stay. Im often required to predict future pros and cons, but how am I going to predict the future of your relationship?  i leave it all up to God. He’s the only who will say if our problems are temporary or permanent?

I was watching Oprah Winfrey once and they had a relationship expert in the show talking about long term relationships and I remembered to google the title of the book the expert talked about on the show and I got a few pointers on how to diagnose my relationship... These below I found very useful in my introspection ... Take sometime to go throughout the questions if you find yourself in doubt........

1. If God or some divine being told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave? If your religion is the only reason you’re still together, your relationship is already long dead. Drop the self-torturing beliefs and choose happiness. Living together physically but not in your heart isn’t going to fool any divine being anyway, nor is it likely to fool anyone else around you. Leave the hypocrisy behind, and take off.
2. Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty? If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, then your relationship is doing you more harm than good. Leave.
3. Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you? If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together.
4. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner? If there’s no spark, there’s no point in staying.
5. Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwillingor incapable of changing? Results matter far more than intentions. If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave. Example: “Quit smoking for good in 30 days, or I’m gone.” Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and you’ll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.
6. Do you see yourself when you look in your partner’s eyes? A metaphor… if you don’t sense a strong compatibility with your partner, you’re better off with someone else.
7. Do you and your partner each respect each other as individuals? No mutual respect = time to leave.
8. Does your partner serve as an important resource for you in a way that you care about? If your partner does little to enhance your life and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. You’ll break even by being on your own and gain tremendously by finding someone else who is a resource to you.
9. Does your relationship have the demonstrated capacity for forgiveness? If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave.
10. Do you and your partner have fun together? A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave.
11. Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together? If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off

I hope you find the answers you looking for because I certainly have